Hi guys that don't know why I haven't been here. Thank all of you guys for Watching me. I have deleted everything from my message centre because I had 688 various things.

The reason I have not been here is I don't have internet at home right now. I am living with my Aunt and Uncle now, about 30 minutes from my old house. I still go to the same high school though.

On October 10th, at 2 o'clock in the morning (yep, AM) my dad killed the guy that was living with us. His name was Michael and he was with my dad...WITH him...and has lived with us since I was three-and-a-half. He was like another parent to me, especially since my mom died. He had a bad temper a lot of the time and was why I was scared of getting in trouble for absolutely anything, but it was like any other abusive parent. Still a parent. Well, the night before, on the 9th, Michael had been really mad at me for things I didn't do and had blamed me for everything possible in the world, even the way my sister turned out, saying it was my fault. He even hit me.

The next day, he found out that my sister had spraypainted profanity on a shed at the school and had gotten really really angry. That night, he threw out some of her stuff he said had a bad influence on her and burned one of her shirts that he said was bad.

Later that night, I heard him fighting with my dad, so I curled up on my side and clamped my hands over my ears, thinking they were just throwing around empty threats, but I shot out of bed when I heard my dad yelling to call an ambulance. I ran out there and blood was everywhere. My sister was shaking really badly, so I grabbed the phone from her and found out what had happened through what the people asked me.

It turns out that after I had gone to bed, Michael had gone to get Morgan and was still extremely angry. He was going to do something, like make her pass her hand through a candle flame for some reason and somehow he ended up hitting her so hard she fell to the floor (I don't know all the details yet and you'll see why in a minute.) Dad had apparently gotten a knife and a can of mace (dog spray stuff if you don't know.) Since Michael had hit me the night before, dad was scared. After Michael hit Morgan and all, dad was scared for her life and he sprayed Michael in the face with the mace and then stabbed him over and over in the chest, and back, I hear. The official count is thirteen times.

But anyway, once I put down the phone, I threw on some clothes and waited for the ambulance. Michael kept trying to get up, but dad wouldn't let him; he was trying to stop the bleeding. He kept telling Michael that he was going to be okay and apologizing. "I'm sorry, but I had to save my daughter." Over and over again. Before Michael stopped breathing, he told my dad he loved him too because my dad kept sobbing, "I love you." He tried to do CPR, but it didn't work.

The police came long before the ambulance. They handcuffed my dad and I was hysterical, trying to say he didn't do anything. It just all felt like a dream. My sister and I were ushered out of the house and we stood outside for a good long time. It felt like forever. And then, we were put in the backs of separate police cars, which we stayed in for another good long time. We went to the police station after a while and my Aunt and Uncle picked us up from there hours later, after we had been asked a million questions separately.

Dad hasn't had his trial yet, but he's out on bond and is living with my grandmother. We aren't allowed to have any contact with him at all (which is why I don't know the details of that night and probably never will.)

I can never forget that night/morning. All the blood, all the blood. And my life, my whole lifestyle has had to change so much. Everything's different. It's just...I don't even know how to describe it. I just don't know.

So, that's why I haven't been here. I'm going to try to come in a bit befoer school on some days in case any of you care to talk to me again and weren't glad that I was gone ^.^

Ellie